


don't upset the rhythm (go baby go)

by misura



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Canon - Movie, Gen, Podfic Available, Post-Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 05:32:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8132269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: "Let us join hands in friendship in order to bathe the starways in the blood of Thanos, who would rule as Tyrant." (Ronan joins the Guardians, and everyone except Peter knows thinks this is a terrible idea.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> this started out as me taking a stab at Peter/Ronan on the occasion of mm_rares, but at some point, I realized that I was about to run out of plot and that there was no way, no how Peter/Ronan was actually going to happen before I did.
> 
> tagged 'canon - movie', because I wildly speculate about the Kree Empire and its workings. not tagged 'character death fix', because, sorry, Ronan, you totally had it coming.
> 
> contains traces of non-tagged characters and one line of someone suggesting Peter/Ronan might happen.

i _hook, or: how to make new friends and influence people_

 

Two days ago, Peter would have said that one prison was much like another - true, the food varied, most civilizations taking the (rather uncivilized, really) view that if it wasn't actually toxic, it was good enough, but basically, a prison was a prison was a place to spend some time, make some new friends and learn how to play (which was to say: cheat at) some new card games.

In his defense, he'd never even been _near_ a Kree prison before, Ravagers preferring to steal from people who weren't actually completely and utterly batshit _insane_.

 

"All right," said Rocket, "let me get this straight here. You stole our ship, you stole our money, you put us in jail, you've threatened to kill us, but what you _really_ want is to be _friends_?"

"You forgot the part where he tried to blow up Xandar," Peter said.

"No, I didn't. I was being discrete. You know, tactful. Diplomatic."

Ronan the Accuser, who was, apparently, contrary to all reasonable, rational expectations very much _not dead_ , scowled. "Do not mistake the flawless execution of ancient Kree law for some paltry attempt to threaten you. Of course, should you accept my offer, honor would compel me to see you cleared of all charges, but these are mere details, unworthy of mention or consideration."

"Excuse me?" Rocket said. "The flawless execution of ancient Kree law? What flawless execution of ancient Kree law? We _killed_ you. That's not a crime! That's, I don't know, doing the whole galaxy a big favor?"

"The Kree Emperor, in his infinite wisdom, decreed that the actions of the one once known as Ronan the Accuser were such that they warranted a trial before the Supreme Accuser, to ensure the full measure of justice was accorded to this individual." Ronan sounded smug. "To this purpose, he was restored fully, albeit he lost the rank of Accuser."

"Accuser is a _rank_? I thought it was, like, a nickname." Peter also thought that when people started to talk about themselves in the third person, it was not a good sign vis á vis their sanity, but, well, this was Ronan.

Rocket groaned. "Quill. Shut up."

"So about this deal," Peter said.

"We're not taking the deal, Quill."

What Peter wanted to say was: _yes, I know you escaped from 23 prisons, but this is_ different _. this is a real shot at getting something we really, really want and also, we can totally double-cross Ronan the Big Blue Bastard, so why are we even talking about this?_. With Ronan the Big Blue Bastard standing right there though, it seemed a trifle indiscrete, so instead, he glared at Rocket and said:

"We're taking the deal. All of us."

"Excellent," Ronan said. "Let us join hands in friendship in order to bathe the starways in the blood of Thanos, who would rule as Tyrant."

 

("It's my escape plan," Peter said.)

("Your escape plan is to _make a deal with Ronan_?")

("Hey. It worked, didn't it?")

("I - oh, come _on_. They crumpled my pants. I hate it when they crumple my pants.")

 

ii _interlude the first, or: five people who did not trust Ronan the Big Blue Bastard and one who trusted him a little_

a _Rocket_

"You can't kill Thanos, Quill. So what if Ronan knows where he lives? _Everyone_ knows where Thanos lives. It's in Never-Coming-Back-From-Here, straight right after Have-You-Lost-Your-Friggin'-Mind."

"Actually, it's - "

"I don't _care_ where it is! It's _Thanos_! He's killed entire _planets_! What, you think he's going to play nice just because we're going to be bringing him Ronan?"

"Hey," Peter said. "That's _not_ the plan here, okay?"

"Oh, right. The plan is for _him_ to bring _us_. Thanks for clearing that up, Quill. I feel so much better now."

 

b _Gamora_

"Peter," she said, "he will betray us."

He said, "Probably."

 

c _Yondu Udonta_

"You flyin' with Ronan, now? What, tired of the easy life?"

"Hey," Peter said, "he's big, he's mean and he's blue. Sounds like anyone you know?"

"Now don't you sass me, boy. Kraglin and me, we raised you to be better'n that." Yondu scowled at his empty glass. "Smarter, too."

Peter grimaced. Table service was a joke in this place, and a trip to the bar meant walking past several tables of Kartassians with very loose tentacles.

 

d _Kraglin Obfonteri_

"Guess we could do another kidnapping. Be for his own good, really."

Yondu pursed his lips, but he wasn't actually whistling yet, so Kraglin figured it was just a friendly warning that dangerous territory was being trod here, which wasn't news, precisely.

"Got a reputation to think of," Yondu said. "We start kidnapping for no pay, people're going to think we gone soft. I mean, what's next, huh? Third job for free?"

"Right," Kraglin said. "Well, some good news then. We kill Ronan, we're up by a hundred thou, easy."

Yondu grinned. "Now you're talking. How 'bout we make it two, though, eh?"

 

e _Drax the Destroyer_

"Look," Peter said, "we got a saying on Earth. It's 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend'."

Drax frowned. "That doesn't make any sense."

"It means that we want Thanos dead, and Ronan wants Thanos dead. See? Same goal."

"The enemy of my enemy is not my friend," Drax said. "The enemy of my enemy is me. That is why he is my enemy."

 

a _Groot_

Peter put in the Awesome Mix vol. 1 tape, and Groot danced. He didn't stop when Ronan came in to (predictably, Peter thought) criticize the melody, which was tepid, the lyrics, which were meek, and the volume, which was weak.

Then, he asked for dancing lessons.

 

Just kidding.

iii _line, or: Kree ethics and where to find them_

 

"You're kiding me," Peter said. It occurred to him, a bit belatedly, that possibly this wasn't the ideal time to have this conversation - they were taking some pretty heavy fire, and while the _Milano_ 'd made it through worse (by way of it being kind of her specialty) it was not impossible to conceive of a future that was going to be very, very short, or at least involve spending a lot of money on a new ship.

(Good thing, then, that they'd gotten their money back from Ronan. Or the Kree empire, with help from Ronan; Peter still was a bit foggy on how that had worked, legally, but then, he was not a lawyer nor, as the Kree apparently called people like that, an Accuser, which was really not the sort of job he'd imagined Ronan to have, when he wasn't busy thirsting after the blood of entire civilizations and the like.)

"It's a war time-peace time kind of thing," said Rocket. "You know, when they're at war, an Accuser kills people they're at war with, and then, when they're not, they kill people for littering. Where by 'people', of course, I mean people who aren't Kree. Makes the empire real popular with the tourists."

Peter turned to Ronan. "You kill people for _littering_?"

Ronan scowled. "The empire has not known peace for over a thousand years."

"So, no? Yes? Maybe, if you don't like their faces?"

"To wage war is to be Kree," Ronan said. "Peace is a cancer upon the empire. An abomination. Greatness cannot be achieved through peace, and all Kree know that they are destined for greatness."

"Actually - "

"A momentary lapse in judgment from a feeble-minded fool," Ronan said. "I assure you, our new emperor is far less lacking in vision."

Peter looked at Rocket, who frowned at him. "Don't look at me; _I'm_ not the one who was all hot and eager to hook up with some genocidal psycho." Which was below the belt, clearly, but Peter supposed it was also at least a little bit true, so there wasn't much he could say to that.

"You mean you people are just going to start the war with Xandar all over again?"

"Xandar." Ronan scoffed. "Weaklings. Unworthy of our time. As true Kree, we have set our sights on one who is truly worthy of our enmity."

Drax laughed. He sounded slightly hysterical, which might mean that he'd understood something Peter hadn't or, more likely, that he'd jumped to entirely the wrong conclusion.

"You are fools, if you think that you can declare a war upon Thanos and live," said Gamora - and fine, looked like Drax might have been right on the money. Peter couldn't say he exactly blamed Drax for laughing, either.

"Better to die valiantly than to live cowering in fear," Ronan said. "Besides, have you and your Guardians not done the same? Are we not waging war against one of Thanos's puppets even now?"

"Well, yeah," Peter said, "but, I mean, that's not exactly the same thing, is it? This guy might be a scumbag, a weasel and a tyrant, but he's not Thanos. Oh, and we're not waging a war. We're infiltrating a ship-building facility. Discretely."

"Quill."

Peter hadn't really been paying much attention to the little screen to the left. The little screen to the left didn't concern itself with things like people who were trying to kill them _right now_.

On the other hand, bad things tended to happen to people who ignored Rocket. "Oh, shit."

"Discretion is much over-rated," Ronan said. "War has no place for such niceties."

Peter noted that Ronan still seemed to have been fine with the 'discrete' part of the plan - at least until the moment where it turned out that, oops, one alarm left to trip after all. "Those're _Kree_ ships?"

"Obviously," Ronan said. "Let it not be said that it is only the Xandarians who lend their strength to the Guardians in battle."

 _Yeah, and let's not mention who that battle was_ against _,_ Peter thought. On the other hand, "Rocket. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Unlikely," Rocket said. "I mean, they gave me a brain and everything. I saw them put it in this one time, so I know it's there."

"The Xandarians will never work with the Kree," Gamora said, proving that Peter's brains were working just fine - or, at least, that Gamora knew the way he thought pretty well, which might not be the same thing, but eh. Details.

"Look," Peter said, "we've got the Kree. We've got the Nova Corps. We've got the Ravagers. You want to tell me that all of that still can't beat Thanos?"

Gamora said nothing, which might mean that Peter was on to something here.

On the other hand, it might also simply be that he'd stopped paying attention to the little screen on the right just long enough for someone to get in a good hit.

 

iv _interlude the second, or five times Ronan almost made a new friend and one time he ruined everything_

a _Rocket_

"Oh, boo hoo, everybody hates me, so I'll give one of them a really big gun so he can shoot me next time I do something creepy, and then maybe he'll suddenly start liking me."

"You _could_ just say 'thank you, Ronan'," Peter said.

Rocket flipped a switch. The really big gun hummed. "Thought I just did."

 

b _Gamora_

"He's effective," she said. "But, Peter, he's a killer. He's always going to be a killer."

"He did save my life back there."

"Kree honor. You killed him once, so now you're even."

"Kree are pretty crazy, huh?"

"You like him," she said.

"You think he's effective. That's not liking him?"

 

c _Yondu Udonta_

"Easiest money we ever made."

"For _not_ killing someone," Kraglin said. "Funny business, that."

"Hey, you think Peter knows Ronan's - you know?"

 

d _Drax the Destroyer_

"I like this song," Drax said. He was smiling and, Peter judged, more than a little drunk. "I understand this song. It is about the joy one finds in destroying one's enemies in fair combat."

"Seriously?" Peter asked, who'd been kind of enjoying the music up until then. A bit more rock than roll, but not impossible to dance to, which was a big plus in his book. " _That's_ what it's about?"

"It is open to several interpretations," Ronan said.

"Do any of them involve, oh, I don't know, _not_ killing people?"

 

a _Groot_

"I am Groot," Groot said. He was almost fifty inches tall now and still growing.

"He says that either you go, or he goes," Rocket said. "Well. Nice to get to know you, I guess. Oh, and I'm keeping the gun. I like the gun."

Peter blinked. "Groot?"

"Aw, I'm just pulling your leg." Rocket snickered. "Should have seen your face. He's fine. All he wants is a bigger pot. Again. Like those just grow on trees or something. Learn to walk like a normal person, why don't you?"

"I am Groot."

"No, it wasn't," Rocket said. "They want to pollinate each other, that's _their_ problem, not mine."

 

v _sinker, or: don't upset the rhythm (go baby go)_

 

Sanctuary was a bit anti-climactic, really. Peter had expected more - more pomp, definitely. More glitter. More impressive classical architecture. A couple of huge gates, maybe.

They also seemed to be missing a Thanos.

 

"Look," Peter said, "this is good, right? I mean, _Thanos_ is scared of _us_?" He felt that, in the way of a pep talk, it lacked a certain something. Realism, possibly.

"Probably just out for milk." Rocket looked around for something to shoot. There hadn't been much to start with, and there was less now. Thanos's throne seemed pretty much indestructible, which hadn't stopped Rocket from trying.

"I am Groot," said Groot.

"How should _I_ know? It's not like he left a note."

"Actually, he did." Gamora pointed.

Peter looked to where she was pointing and used the only word in ancient Kree that he knew, figuring that if there was any opportunity for which Ronan had taught it to him, this was it.

"It's Earth. That bastard has gone to Earth."

"The planet of outlaws and great heroes." Drax actually sounded almost cheerful, like this was good news. "At last, I shall see it with my own eyes. I shall speak with these living legends whose songs are captured on your strange technology."

Peter swallowed his first reply, and then his second. Gamora touched his shoulder, briefly.

Gamora believed that Kevin Bacon was a great hero - which he was, obviously, just not in the way she or Drax or Ronan would understand it. (Rocket had no use for heroes, unless they had a bounty on their heads, in which case you could argue they were less heroes and more, well, wanted criminals. It was a thin line sometimes. Or often.)

"All right, people. Guess we're going to Earth." Assuming, for the moment, that it still existed.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] don't upset the rhythm (go baby go)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13464969) by [reena_jenkins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reena_jenkins/pseuds/reena_jenkins)




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